Born to be... WILD?

God bless my brother and sister, Tony and Rachel. You guys are the greatest! Your comments have nourished me at a time when I really needed it. You also make me chuckle- I swear, no matter how old I get, I know it will always be the same damn story, "He was the devil's child, with 666 on the back of his head. He ruined my lipstick, crushed my Faberge egg, tried on my prom-dress (oops, Rach, did you know that? lol...), he was, in a nutshell, a little spit-fire." And for the rest of my life, I will always say: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!?!?! haha... but I do, and I know it well. Somehow, and it's a greater mystery to me than to anyone else, that devilish nature turned into something that makes sense to me. It probably still doesn't make much sense to anyone else, as so many said: Africa?! Why, what for?! And I guess, for this question, my answer wasn't, and still isn't, at all logical. BUT, I've learned to trust that wild instinct because no matter how hard I try to fit in to the mold that society would have me be, I just can't seem to make sense that way. But this, this absurdness, this makes sense. Not in the traditional, linear, 2+2=4 kind of way, but just.. true. It doesn't need testing- it needs no theoretical basis, other than pure experience. And my experience thus far has shown me that if I listen to the world communicate with me, as I'm doing now, as I write this, then I can do nothing "wrong" per se.

God I REALLY needed to hear myself say that- truly. I've been feeling indifferent all day. I needed a bit of self-affirmation, so thanks for giving me that opportunity! Is that the correct word, though- indiffierent? I'm not sure.. confused? No, not confused.. just a state of gray, an in-between place, similar to how I felt just prior to leaving; I knew I was doing the right thing, but I didn't know what the outcome would be. Funny, I'm still feeling that way- I hadn't put that together until now.

I've been in "gray space" (HAH, purgatory!) all day because I've been wondering whether I should cancel the rest of my prepaid Wolof lessons. I have one more week- 4 hours each day. I guess it's not that much. It still leaves 4 hours to get research done... but I HATE them- there, I said it. I really do. Our class is a bazillion degrees, there's a sheep outside our window that beighhhhhs every 5 seconds (it's not cute either- it's really violent- it reminds me of the force I had when vomiting the other day, with every muscle squashing inwards), and I can't grasp the material fast enough. I didn't want to write about this, but I guess I needed to! In some way, this will help me make my decision. Shit- I can't yet tell which voice is the one to listen to- the voice that's telling me to drop it and move on, or the voice that's telling me to suck it up and finish it. They're both so devilish! Dammit. Well, I suppose the answer will reveal itself when it's supposed to. Right now I'm leaning toward sticking it out because something is telling me that it will be useful, even though I can't visualize how yet. Shit. I so didn't want that answer.

Hah, Armin is having a field-day swapping mosquitos.. cute. I wonder if I should shower, or just be gross tomorrow. I can't make up my mind. I'm kind of tired. Shower would be nice, though. Relaxing, soothing. Oh wow, sorry, you didn't need to see that line of thinking.. it's just so hot, I think my brain has melted.

I want to talk now about some sights and smells from today, and I'm going to make sure I do that before I take that glorious shower. I promised myself. Let me start with the morning- me and Yemi walked down Bourguiba Ave. to the bank so that we could exchange our American cash for CFA's. If we continue down Bourguiba, we eventually end up at Rue 9, and this is where the Baobab Center is located. We usually don't take that route in the morning, however, because it's a lot more chaotic and it's a bit out of the way. We did today though so we could stop by the bank. So we did, and we changed our money, and we continued on our merry way. I will have to take pictures of this road though. There are 3 lanes; the outside lanes operate in opposite directions, but the middle lane is this sort of "gray space" that can be anything you want it to be as long as you don't cause an accident. In other words, in the course of 5 blocks, you can see that middle lane used for both directions, switched back and forth, maybe 3 times (North-South-North, e.g.). Then, on either side of the road, there are, of course, sidewalks, which are used, but almost as much as the 1 foot of space left on the road to the curb- such that on either side of the road, in addition to the 3 lanes, you have a steady beat of people walking on the extra space left. Taxi's honk when they think you're too far out, and then you move in slightly closer to the curb. Or, they honk because they think you might need a ride, so they try to grab your attention, as if you don't see them heading toward you. They also honk as they approach intersections because there really aren't stoplights. So, of course, they slow down, honk, make sure they know what the others are doing, and then make their move. Miraculously, this appears to be relatively safe. I haven't heard of any accidents. I never see a banged up taxi cab, or car for that matter. 7 out of 10 cars are taxis, by the way- they're everywhere. You can't go 2 seconds without hearing one honk. It's kind of funny- and you get used to it.

Shit- I just spent forever talking about the taxi's, when I really wanted to talk about the school-children we walked past on our walk back to the Baobab Center (after our lunch time siesta). They were beautiful- eating candies sold on the street, joking, chasing each other, getting attitude, just too cute. Sassy. There's more about this, but it will have to wait until tomorrow. I should really go to bed- it's 1am here. Yikes! This has become so important to me though- I don't want to neglect it. It helps me, and I believe it keeps me connected to you as well, and this makes me happy. So, good. We'll see each other again, tomorrow.