really.. I'm tired

The past couple of days have been both great and exhausting. One of my contacts here is an ombudsman (someone who helps two or more parties resolve a conflict- the term was new for me) at the University. Last week he introduced me to one of his students, Alousseynou, who has been by my side ever since. He's been a tremendous help to my research by providing ideas and other important contacts. But, at the same time, this has meant twice the amount of French I was normally speaking/listening and because of this, I really feel like my head is going to explode. I'm happy about it, but yeah, tired.

Yesterday, Alousseynou invited me to an organizational meeting for an upcoming conference/course on peacebuilding in Africa. The course is the same one I mentioned before, I think, that's going to be held in November, at the Baobab Center. It's going to be monumental, and I wish I could be here to witness. Basically, there's a popular peacebuilding program in the US called CONTACT. I think it was developed at U of Mass, Amherst. The premise of this program is that conflicts can be broken down into components- first, there's the individuals and the conflict, and these need to be separated. Then, the conflict can be broken down into three levels: the first level is the actual conflict, the second includes the different interests belonging to each party (e.g., wanting gas prices to be lower), and the third concerns the emotions and needs underlying the interests (e.g., fear, financial insecurity). Supposedly this is a very basic conflict resolution paradigm that is used all over the place with different names, although I think there is something unique to the CONTACT program that I just don't know about, yet. So, the point of this seminar is to develop a French equivalent of the CONTACT program for Francophone Africa, which includes about 16 countries mostly in West Africa.

The meeting, yesterday, was mostly to gain feedback from various stakeholders about the program and how they might improve it before November comes. It lasted for 3+ hours, which I was not expecting, and by the end of it, I was ready for a LONG nap. But, I went home and told Vicki about it and this turned into a passionate discussion about the potential harm that may be caused by activities like these. This requires some context to explain- so, let me first say that Vicki is a hardcore Africanist, which means that she is against any efforts in Africa that do not first take into account an African perspective. Before, when I had never thought about coming to Africa, I didn't know anything about this, but now, as I've read and talked to others, I'm in complete agreeance with Vicki. How does this relate to yesterday's meeting? Well, the conference/course they're going to put on in November is a 10 day course (literally, a course that will culminate in a certificate) for training professionals and students about CONTACT and how to become capable conflict mediators. There are various components to this course, such as how to mobilize others, but the core of it is to teach them this Western-developed method of conflict-resolution. Representatives from each of the 16 Francophone countries in West Africa will attend.

The problem with this approach is that Americans (the directors of Baobab Center) are taking an American developed theory of conflict-resolution and stamping it across Africa without asking Africans for their input. This is insulting and offensive to Africans, I think, and potentially harmful to traditional values and ways of being. Some of these concerns were raised yesterday, although with much greater tact and grace than I'm presenting here, and it was these concerns that spawned the passionate conversation with Vicki because she has known of this kind of stuff happening since the very beginning of colonialism, and, it doesn't seem to be ending any time soon. The African audience members repeatedly asked the question (more or less), "Why haven't you considered the indigenous mechanisms for peacemaking?" And there never really was an adequate response, other than, "yes, thank you for the suggestion," and, "we'll look into it." These weren't the exact words, but the meaning was conveyed. For me, I find it a little too eery that I am here doing research on the traditional mechanisms of peacemaking in Africa. And, because of this, I am also enraged by this lack of concern for indigenous mechanisms because I have learned first-hand what some of these are, and, I think, they could be very useful to explore for everyone (i.e., not just Africans).

Anyway, I could go on and on about this, but what I really wanted to say about yesterday is that I had a spiritual experience (oh dear, yes, I did just write that) while I was sitting there listening. All I can really say to describe it is that everything seemed to come together at once; everything made sense to me at the moment; I felt an odd, almost uncomfortable, no, definitely uncomfortable, feeling of being aware and conscious of the fact that I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that very moment. THERE- that's it. I was struggling to find the words, but I think that last sentence grabs it. I can't underscore the discomfort enough- it was eery, really. But, at the same time, it was also pretty damn cool.

You know what's funny about this, though? I still don't know why any of this is happening. I don't know why I'm here, why I'm doing what I'm doing. It's actually kind of frustrating- no, very frustrating, because I know it's right, but I don't know why, yet. And today, while I was meeting some more new people (I'll explain later), I got downright pissed and asked in my head, "Seriously?!?! Why is any of this necessary? Why am I here?!?!" But, of course, things don't work like that- I won't get my answer if I'm demanding it now. The world doesn't work according to my time, but I wish it did. And you know what, I'm too damn tired to continue writing, even though I have more to say about today. Shit. But I'm feeling good about things, just to be clear. I'm tired, that's all. So, for now, be well. nite nite.