Witnessing history, but not sure how

I left off in my last post getting ready to leave with Vicki for this conference thingy. I really didn't know much about it, other than Vicki had been invited as a panel member, and the subject was on Wolof history (of which she is an expert). I also knew that the professor leading the panel, Mbaye Thiam, is someone that Vicki thought I should talk to regarding my project on peacemaking. It's very interesting how she put this together- I'll go into it in a bit.

When we showed up we were greeted by a very handsome, meticulously dressed, 20-something year old student who then ushered us to Prof. Thiam. Vicki made introductions in French, then he said a few things in French (which I didn't understand because he spoke too fast), and I said, "Enchanter" (on-shawn-tay; means = enchanted, or delightful, to meet you) and smiled. Good enough for the moment. Then we scheduled a time to meet on Tuesday so we could talk more about ideas. Vicki and I sat down, he left so he could prepare for the panel, and we talked while we people-watched. There were several (probably 200+) students who came to this event. All of them were members of a student organization at the University that is concerned about maintaining the cultural heritage of the Wolof. All of the students, of course, have Wolof ancestry, but not all are of the same ethnic heritage- so it's like a broad, unifying umbrella. I don't mean to suggest ethnic conflict, because there isn't. But, there are distinctions, and sometimes it comes into politics. Therefore, any kind of unification is a good thing. And, by coming together, the students get to learn more about their family ancestries and how they are connected into each other's social networks. Networking, but so much more than that; it's also about getting in touch with their roots, which Vicki says is important because they are losing this, and fast.

Colonization is partly, if not largely, to blame for the quickly fading history and knowledge of Wolof traditions. Prior to European invasion (and later settled by the French), West Africans had several thriving democracies. These institutions can be traced back to at least the 13th century, when the first Wolof leader (and his family) came into power. Leaders were elected to power, and citizens paid tribute to them (through goods, services, taxes, etc), so long as the elected officials were able to provide protection and security. If leaders did not fulfill this obligation, or if they did it poorly, people could pack their things and move to the next territory and pay tribute to another leader (one who COULD provide protection and security). If people left, then the leader would have no power. And, this happened; this was how West Africans provided checks and balances to their leaders' power, and to their use of that power. In my mind, "If you fuck up, I'll take my shit and leave and you'll be nothing- how do you like them apples, beyotch?!" People could move so easily like this because land was an abundance and therefore not a resource per se. People, not land, were the resources. Thus, this system provided for a strong democracy in the sense that there were several checks and balances to the leader's power, and to their use of power.

When the French came, everything changed. I can't go into all that here, but I will definitely return to it at some point. In any case, knowing this history is important, not just for young Africans, but also for the world. What I witnessed today, then, were the efforts of Professor Thiam to give this back to those students. He didn't have this when he was their age- he had to learn it on his own. He had to learn about the traditions of the Wolof in libraries and archives, but he is giving them the gift of going onwards with their education with this knowledge in tote. It will be the bridge that links them back to their families so that they don't have to cut ties with that heritage. It was a momentous occasion, as Vicki said. And I wouldn't have known this if she hadn't have told me, for which I'm incredibly grateful. I witnessed something beautiful, and I didn't even know it. Oh, but did I mention how difficult this experience was for me? It was. I could understand very little of what the panel members said, and I felt extremely uncomfortable being there. The whole time I felt like people were wondering, "Who is this kid, and what is he here for?" And, I'm sure they were wondering something like this. It's ok, but it did make me uncomfortable thinking about it. I felt very much out of my element- and I started to think to myself how difficult this kind of work is (i.e., this kind of "on the ground" cross-cultural work) for this very reason. And, at first I couldn't see myself enduring this kind of discomfort on a regular basis, but my conversation with Vicki later helped me to understand that yes, it was hard, and yes, it is hard, but that's how it is, and it does get better.

So, I promised I would say something more about Professor Thiam and how I might be able to learn from him. I'm getting tired now, so this may be brief, and I may miss several important points, so if I do, please ask for clarification (this is always true- I hope you know this- you do now). Part of Thiam's efforts to reclaim Wolof heritage is to further explore and document ancient Wolof proverbs. If I were working alone, I wouldn't have the insight to consult him, but I've realized from my discussions with Vicki that those proverbs might be the perfect place to start learning about Wolof traditions of peacemaking. In other words, and I know this for a fact, themes of peacemaking are present in the oral traditions of Wolof people. I know this because I have already read about the oral traditions of the first Wolof King, in which it is commonly told that he was a peacemaker wherever he went. Why is this important? Because it says something about what the Senegalese value today- maintaining peace. I think knowing the content and history of proverbs can do the same thing- they can show how and why Senegalese maintain peace.

---
I just had a really awesome conversation with Vicki just now. I asked her, "Why Africa? How did you get into this?" And her answer was everything I needed to hear tonight. That's all I want to say about that for now. Suffice it to say that it produced an emotional experience that helped me get a little bit closer to my own truth. And, it lead me to write this:

Wow, what a day. This is it. I am living it. I'm having the feeling of being connected to my "child-self." I don't know what that is, or if there's a better term to describe it, but it's a starting point at least. I know that what I just felt was reminiscent of how I felt as a 9 year old- just being totally present and doing whatever it was I enjoyed doing, having no worries or fears about the future, feeling no pressure to do this or do that, and just.. I don't know, being? Why did I have to come to Africa for that? Or, what am I supposed to learn here? What am I supposed to do with this? I don't know, yet. But, this feeling I have right now is something I haven't felt since childhood, and I know this because it wasn't familiar at first; I had to listen, and it had to come. I didn't realize I had been without it, because I didn't know it was at one time. WOW! Seriously, I am almost weirded out. This reminds me of a book I read about this guy having a conversation with God (in fact, that was the title!)-- there's a part in the book in which he asks God, "God, if you really have ALL power, why do you allow bad things to happen?" The million dollar question, right? The question we all have at one or more points in our lives. And God's answer was very logical, in my opinion, that all things are relative, and that you need to have the opposite of something to be able to experience it. I'm not doing this passage justice, AT ALL, but, I like how it works with my feeling tonight because it describes it well- I didn't know what I had experienced in childhood as a child, because I knew nothing else. And, even later, when that sense of being present slipped away, I hadn't realized it had slipped away. But just now, it's like I had a flashback of how that once felt, and now I know. That is really f'ing cool if you ask me! Really, really, cool. I didn't know it was possible.

a late entry for Friday...

Today is Saturday, and it’s about 11:30am here. I didn’t get a chance to blog last night, but I’ll write now about yesterday, and then hopefully later write more about the happenings of today. I’m actually trying to upload a video to the blog as I write this- we’ll see how that goes. I don’t know if the internet connection is strong enough. Here’s an update on the internet situation: the internet hook-up guys said we would have wi-fi by Friday (yesterday), but then yesterday, our landlord told us that when Senegalese say Friday, they usually mean Tuesday. C’est la vie, and that’s just how it goes. So, we roll with it. It’s ok. It just delays when I can start doing more fun stuff with the blog like posting more photos and videos. No big deal for now, although a few of you (I think) are getting rather excited to see me in my bou-bous, and for good reason. So, to you, I say a Senegalese proverb: the patient one will catch the monkey.

I have had much feedback on the last few blogs- and I appreciate this. Knowing that people back home are reading this makes me feel so connected, and that is a gift. So thank you.

I want to say a few things about the Wolof classes, and then move on to other things. First, I’ve been whining a lot about this, and feeling all sorts of feelings about it- frustration, self-pity, anger- but I have a break from all that this weekend, and I believe that this will be necessary to process what those feelings are about and whether it’s in my best interest to quit or to continue the classes. The inner conflict is this: I don’t want to quit the classes if these feelings are part of culture shock (which I believe is a good possibility). If, however, the feelings are more from a desire to just dive in to my research, then I think I probably should quit, or at least cut back on the amount of time spent in class (e.g., maybe just skip the afternoon portions). Another thought I had is that I really don’t know if this is the only time I’ll ever come to Senegal- it may be the first and last, or it may be the first of many. I can’t possibly know that right now. So, because of that, I am leaning towards sticking it out. Also, if I did quit, there would be no refund for next week’s lessons, and this would be a good amount of money wasted (I paid $300 for the entire course). This is where I stand on the matter. I have the whole weekend to take a rest from it and gather my thoughts. For now though, I’m just going to live in the moment and see what this day has in store for me. Good, thanks, Ryan for giving that to yourself.

Ok, so now about yesterday: After our morning session of Wolof, a few of us walked to the West African Research Center (WARC), which is located near the University of Cheikh Anta Diop (aka, U. of Dakar), ---- oh, I have a story about Cheikh Anta Diop. Apparently he was a scientist, and he was the first person to ever transcribe the Wolof language. He developed the first Wolof dictionary, and he translated the first Western book into Wolof. ----- ok, so we walked to WARC, which was about a 30 minute walk (never again! Too hot for that), and once we got there we got a nice tour of its facilities. There were several offices for professors who hold affiliations there, and there was an incredible library of West African literature (from both African and Western scholars). It was like being allowed inside a treasure trove. I know, GEEK! It was exciting, and I can’t wait to go back and start picking through their collection!!!

After our visit to WARC, I negotiated with a taxi driver to take us back to Baobab. He wanted to charge 1300 CFAs (roughly $3.50), but I got him down to 1000 (about $2.50). I gave you the exact amounts because I want you to know how weird it is to barter over the difference of $1.00. It is so cheap for me, either way. But that is what you do here, so...? I don’t really feel weird about it until I stop to think about how much I’m actually saving, which is not much.

When we got back to Baobab, we were invited to take part in the cultural values session they were giving for another group of students who had just arrived. They, the Baobab Center, do this for every group that comes through. We had ours a few days after we arrived, and that’s when I had my first encounter with communal eating (remember- the fish in the middle of the bowl and no utensils). For each session like this, they like to have a few members from other groups who have been here longer (sort of like a big-brother big-sister sort of thing). So we had lunch with this group, which is large (about 20 women from Boston University). I still can’t tell you how amazed I am that I enjoy the fish here! And, I thoroughly enjoy eating with my hands! It’s liberating.

There was a woman in that Boston University group that said some really ethnocentric comments. I wasn’t at her bowl, but Scott was, and he was outraged. I guess she said something about how eating with hands was so primitive, and how her impression of Senegalese so far is that they are stuck in the 17^th century, and that their hands are so dirty she’s disgusted they would eat out of them. And the kicker was when they put the bowl in front of everyone and people started digging in, she cupped her mouth and ran out of the room!!! I know these students will be staying with families, and if she’s like this now, she’s not going to survive even one week. I hope, for her sake, that she opens up, but part of me wants to round up people like her and… well, maybe put them on a deserted island somewhere and let them live peacefully amongst themselves. Ignorance!

After lunch we finished up Wolof, and after that, we went to a bar around the corner. Some of the guys had already been there, and I didn’t want to be a Debbie-Downer, so I went along. It was fine- I got a Fanta orange- it was delicious! As we were sitting there, several street sellers walked through the bar (it was an outside, covered patio) selling their goods- some had shoes, some had plastic dinner plates, another had peanuts (those are everywhere- every street corner there’s a woman, squatting, while her peanuts roast- it’s a huge production here), another had phone-cards, another had dish-towels. It was like being on the home shopping network and never having to get up! I didn’t buy anything, except for this fake Armani belt from a young boy (maybe 10?)—he was working me, too! I was amazed at his ability to barter; his confidence and persistence. Normally I think clothes or accessories that shout labels are obnoxious, but I actually did need a belt for one pair of shorts I brought, so I figured what the heck. Bartering with a 10 year old definitely made me feel like an old colonialist taking advantage of his “people.” It was kind of uncomfortable, but again, I have to remind myself that this is how it is here.

When we returned to the apartment (8:30 ish), our cook was there with another delicious meal- paella! This was a first for me. I liked it- wasn’t crazy about it, but I liked it. I also decided to start taking photos of all her meals.

Ok, I better go now. It’s Saturday afternoon, and I’m about to go with Vicki to some sort of presentation at the University. I’ll try to blog again later tonight before I go to bed- get back on my schedule! Until then…

Born to be... WILD?

God bless my brother and sister, Tony and Rachel. You guys are the greatest! Your comments have nourished me at a time when I really needed it. You also make me chuckle- I swear, no matter how old I get, I know it will always be the same damn story, "He was the devil's child, with 666 on the back of his head. He ruined my lipstick, crushed my Faberge egg, tried on my prom-dress (oops, Rach, did you know that? lol...), he was, in a nutshell, a little spit-fire." And for the rest of my life, I will always say: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!?!?! haha... but I do, and I know it well. Somehow, and it's a greater mystery to me than to anyone else, that devilish nature turned into something that makes sense to me. It probably still doesn't make much sense to anyone else, as so many said: Africa?! Why, what for?! And I guess, for this question, my answer wasn't, and still isn't, at all logical. BUT, I've learned to trust that wild instinct because no matter how hard I try to fit in to the mold that society would have me be, I just can't seem to make sense that way. But this, this absurdness, this makes sense. Not in the traditional, linear, 2+2=4 kind of way, but just.. true. It doesn't need testing- it needs no theoretical basis, other than pure experience. And my experience thus far has shown me that if I listen to the world communicate with me, as I'm doing now, as I write this, then I can do nothing "wrong" per se.

God I REALLY needed to hear myself say that- truly. I've been feeling indifferent all day. I needed a bit of self-affirmation, so thanks for giving me that opportunity! Is that the correct word, though- indiffierent? I'm not sure.. confused? No, not confused.. just a state of gray, an in-between place, similar to how I felt just prior to leaving; I knew I was doing the right thing, but I didn't know what the outcome would be. Funny, I'm still feeling that way- I hadn't put that together until now.

I've been in "gray space" (HAH, purgatory!) all day because I've been wondering whether I should cancel the rest of my prepaid Wolof lessons. I have one more week- 4 hours each day. I guess it's not that much. It still leaves 4 hours to get research done... but I HATE them- there, I said it. I really do. Our class is a bazillion degrees, there's a sheep outside our window that beighhhhhs every 5 seconds (it's not cute either- it's really violent- it reminds me of the force I had when vomiting the other day, with every muscle squashing inwards), and I can't grasp the material fast enough. I didn't want to write about this, but I guess I needed to! In some way, this will help me make my decision. Shit- I can't yet tell which voice is the one to listen to- the voice that's telling me to drop it and move on, or the voice that's telling me to suck it up and finish it. They're both so devilish! Dammit. Well, I suppose the answer will reveal itself when it's supposed to. Right now I'm leaning toward sticking it out because something is telling me that it will be useful, even though I can't visualize how yet. Shit. I so didn't want that answer.

Hah, Armin is having a field-day swapping mosquitos.. cute. I wonder if I should shower, or just be gross tomorrow. I can't make up my mind. I'm kind of tired. Shower would be nice, though. Relaxing, soothing. Oh wow, sorry, you didn't need to see that line of thinking.. it's just so hot, I think my brain has melted.

I want to talk now about some sights and smells from today, and I'm going to make sure I do that before I take that glorious shower. I promised myself. Let me start with the morning- me and Yemi walked down Bourguiba Ave. to the bank so that we could exchange our American cash for CFA's. If we continue down Bourguiba, we eventually end up at Rue 9, and this is where the Baobab Center is located. We usually don't take that route in the morning, however, because it's a lot more chaotic and it's a bit out of the way. We did today though so we could stop by the bank. So we did, and we changed our money, and we continued on our merry way. I will have to take pictures of this road though. There are 3 lanes; the outside lanes operate in opposite directions, but the middle lane is this sort of "gray space" that can be anything you want it to be as long as you don't cause an accident. In other words, in the course of 5 blocks, you can see that middle lane used for both directions, switched back and forth, maybe 3 times (North-South-North, e.g.). Then, on either side of the road, there are, of course, sidewalks, which are used, but almost as much as the 1 foot of space left on the road to the curb- such that on either side of the road, in addition to the 3 lanes, you have a steady beat of people walking on the extra space left. Taxi's honk when they think you're too far out, and then you move in slightly closer to the curb. Or, they honk because they think you might need a ride, so they try to grab your attention, as if you don't see them heading toward you. They also honk as they approach intersections because there really aren't stoplights. So, of course, they slow down, honk, make sure they know what the others are doing, and then make their move. Miraculously, this appears to be relatively safe. I haven't heard of any accidents. I never see a banged up taxi cab, or car for that matter. 7 out of 10 cars are taxis, by the way- they're everywhere. You can't go 2 seconds without hearing one honk. It's kind of funny- and you get used to it.

Shit- I just spent forever talking about the taxi's, when I really wanted to talk about the school-children we walked past on our walk back to the Baobab Center (after our lunch time siesta). They were beautiful- eating candies sold on the street, joking, chasing each other, getting attitude, just too cute. Sassy. There's more about this, but it will have to wait until tomorrow. I should really go to bed- it's 1am here. Yikes! This has become so important to me though- I don't want to neglect it. It helps me, and I believe it keeps me connected to you as well, and this makes me happy. So, good. We'll see each other again, tomorrow.

Media, negativity, and tenderness

I'm finding that I'm working longer days here than I have in a few years.. seriously, the whole day is full of stuff. But this is good. I'm accomplishing something. This morning we had more Wolof lessons, then a large break in the afternoon (we will have this schedule for the next week, and then we're done with Wolof lessons), and then some more Wolof to end the day. Then, at 5:30, I attended a panel hosted by the Baobab Center. This was really interesting- there were 3 panel members, two of them journalists (a Senegalese man who works for a Senegalese paper; and an American woman who's a West Africa correspondent to the Associated Press) and one photojournalist. The purpose of this panel was that it would serve as an event to draw together Senegalese students and American students so that they can share a common experience and mingle, essentially. The Baobab Center is committed to having one event like this at least once every month, but the demand seems high (on both sides), so I bet they'll have more if they can find ways to do it cheaply, or with no over-head. Anyway, first I'll describe the panel and then I'll talk about the mingling.

The topic of the panel was pretty loose and informal, but basically they just opened by telling us their history and how they got into journalism, and then the audience asked them a bunch of questions about differences between being a journalist in the U.S. versus Africa. I was particularly curious about the American journalist, and how she balances the requests of her employer with her own personal ethics and sense of responsibility. I had thought of this because it reminded me of my own experiences thus far in the blog-o-sphere and how I am conscious every night when I blog about the language that I use to describe my experiences here. I am conscious of this because I realize the power of language, and my fear is that something that I write will only confirm the negative stereotypes or images we have of Africa (as Americans). For example, when I wrote about the Talibe (the kids who beg for money, as ordered by their spiritual teacher), I was very concerned about sounding ethnocentric, or at least using language that promoted such thoughts. Of course, I'm not saying that you (people who are reading this) would be so easily swayed; in fact, I know I surround myself with like-minded individuals; but in any case, it's possible for anyone (even those with good intentions, like myself) to come to false conclusions when not presented with the entire (double-, triple-, quadruple-sided, etc) story.

But it's not easy, however, to give multiple sides of a story. And I think because of this, I have unintentionally left out some of my experiences here because I was not sure how to couch them in language that was purely objective and/or descriptive. Long story short (and the conclusion to this episode), is that I am going to try and give more- I have a responsibility to do this much, both to you and to the Senegalese.

But, back to the original purpose of this entry- I wanted to talk more about this journalism panel, and the discussion that ensued when it was over. Ah yes, so I asked the above question to the American journalist (I explained to her my experiences blogging, and how she balances her job's demands with her own ethical/social responbility), and her answer was simple: She forces herself to find stories that balance the negative images. For example, she told the story of one visit to the airport, in the evening, and how she was confused as to why there were a bunch of teens in the parking lot just lounging around. And then a friend told her why: They are students who come here at night to study, because their is a constant source of electricity and bright lights in the airport parking lot! So, there you have it- a story that tells you about the capacity of human resilience to overcome certain barriers to life achievements.

It's interesting though, how Americans, including me, are so much more drawn to negative events. I know this phenomenon has been documented in social psychological literature- that we pay more attention to, and have better remembrance for, negative things than we do for positive things. I'm not sure what the parameters of those findings are (e.g., a positive thing, such as a marriage ceremony, is obviously more memorable than yesterday's traffic jam), and whether these findings apply to other cultures. In any case-and I'll speak directly for myself here-I know it's easy for me to always find the negative in something, and, unfortunately, it's also easy for me to dwell on that negativity until I lose sight of all that is good. So, just like the journalist who forces herself to look for the good, I am going to make more of an effort to do the same. This will also resolve the conflict I've had in my head about choosing whether or not to go into detail about the poverty (for example), and if I choose to write about it, how can I make sure that I'm doing it in a responsible way?

Several other points were interesting in the panel, but I'll mention one other before I move on to something more sweet. There was a question, related to mine, that asked about the responsibility of the media toward vulnerable groups of people that may be targeted as a result of media attention. For example, the most recent situation, as you may have heard about, involved the media's attention some photos of a gay "marriage" and how this produced a riot, and subsequent witch-hunting. Prior to this media coverage, if my understanding is correct, the Senegalese didn't talk much about the possibility of there being gay fellows amongst them. So the question then became: When is it more ethical or responsible to hold back information rather than to release it to the public, and how does one decide upon this? More importantly, WHO decides this? One can easily see where these questions lead, both good and bad.

After the panel, there was a reception with refreshments. This was the sweet part of the day because I got to socialize with Senegalese college students. It was sweet because they were sweet. Almost immediately after the panel ended, several Senegalese students approached me and asked my name and welcomed me, etc. It was delightful. They want to practice their English with native speakers, so this was great for me! Yes, it's "fun" communicating in another language, but it gets tiring, quickly! But it was more than that- they seemed genuinely concerned about making me feel welcomed into their culture, and for wanting to get to know more about mine. I know it sounds soooo after-school special, but it's true- what else can I say?

Their greetings were long and intimate- for the first few minutes (while we were exchanging names, how long I've been here, how long I plan to be here, what we both study), our hands were locked in a perpetual handshake. And it's not the "I'm gonna squeeze the shit out of your hand so you know how manly I am" kind of bullshit- no, it's soft, gentle, and intimate. Almost too intimate for someone not accustomed to that- in fact, I kept finding myself battling my reflexes to pull away after immediate hand-to-hand contact. After the first few handshakes, I didn't feel the need to fight that urge anymore, and my hand rested peacefully in theirs, and theirs in mine. It's tender. I like it. When I had to leave for dinner, one of them playfully teased me, "Ah yes, American, 'time is money'!" I laughed, knew that it wasn't true for this instance, and moved closer to the door. But then, of course, someone new approached me and wanted to exchange email addresses (like the others), and so on and so forth. I did leave, eventually, but next time I will have to start leaving a half-hour before I actually need to leave. This is the Senegalese way, man.

a very non-exciting day

Today I stayed home until 3, and then I went in for my Wolof lesson. I had missed two sessions, so it was difficult to keep up with the others. I'm also feeling like the lessons might be overkill to the extent that I will actually use Wolof while I'm here. I believe most people I want to talk to speak French, and that will work for me. But I don't think I'll need to know any Wolof. Whatever- it's interesting, and I guess I can use it with the taxi drivers and other strangers I meet. It's so damn hard, though! It doesn't follow the rules we have for English, French, or any other language. For example, there are no verb conjugations per se, but to add a tense to your verb you add another word to complete the sentence (called a "completive marker"). It's confusing, and I'm getting frustrated with it.

After class we came back home, did some reading, and then our cook arrived with homemade lasagne. I could only eat a bit of the lasagne (because my stomach is still sore), but it was tasty! She also brought me a traditional remedy for the stomach ailments- there is a national tree here in Senegal called the Baobab, and it produces a fruit that can be mashed up and eaten. So, she brought some of this over, and then she prepared it for me by mashing it up in a cup of water with some sugar. It was good! I don't know what to compare it to- it's a little bitter, but also a bit tangy. Is that possible? I don't know.. the flavor is hard to describe, like I said! In any case, it was extremely nice of Sayda (our cook) to bring this for me.

Vicki, Armin, and Yemi were extremely helpful last night as well. But today, I started to feel the urge to get away from them. It was nice having a few hours ALONE today when I stayed back, and I think I'll need that from time to time. Otherwise it's like being around people 24/7, and it's starting to irritate me. Hmm... maybe I should do some meditations like my sponsor suggested... yes, I'll go do that. Ok, sorry, I'm cutting this short for now. -- tomorrow we have 4 more hours of Wolof, and then we are free for the day. I'll probably start focusing more on my research then.

ok, a bientot!
Ryan

just a quick note to say I'm better

it's Tuesday morning and I woke up feeling much better- so don't worry. I am staying home today though to get my energy back. My body still feels pretty weak.

the good news- I'll probably be back to myself tomorrow.

will try blogging more later..

dia-rhe-bas cha-cha-cha dia-rhe-bas cha-cha-cha

I won't get into the details, but I've been in bed since lunch time today VERY sick from whatever I had at lunch. I think it was the tomatoes in the sandwich I ate- you're not supposed to eat vegetables or fruit from restaurants unless you know they've put them through bleach water. And of course, I didn't ask... I was STARVING, and hot, and tired from the long walk.

Anyway, it's been a long day- my body was expunging everything from both ends (Sorry), and it was probably the most painful experience I've had like this. It felt like my entire body was caving in but there was no where for organs and things to go, so it just hurt like hell. I took an immodium, and that has stopped the diarrhea, but my stomach has been sour and sore ever since that last bout. I ate half a banana, and have been trying to get some fluids down, including Gatorade (to replenish sodium and potassium), but it's a very slow process. If I drink or eat too much my body cramps up and I fear the whole process will start over again. So I back off. I HATE THIS!!!! I feel like such a god damn drama queen, but I literally can't get out of bed for more than a walk to the kitchen and back. Vicki, Armin, and Yemi are so helpful, thank god. They brought me my laptop so I could blog from bed, and Vicki has been bringing me water. I just want my MOMMY!!!!!! I hate being sick, especially tummy-aches. The diarrhea I can live with- that's even kind of fun in a sick and disgusting way that makes me appreciate how the body works, but puking is the worst. WHAAAAAHHH!!!!! can somebody come and lay with me and caress my head and tell me that it will be all better???? I'll love you forever!!!!

Anyway, enough dramatiques, I have nothing else to report because I only had our Wolof lesson this morning, then we had lunch, and then.... so, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I'll blog about some fun things, rather than dia-rhe-bas.

Love,
Ryan

Lac Rose and the green bou-bou

Bon soir, dear loved ones,

today we took an hour long taxi ride to the Lac Rose. On our way, we stopped at this famous church and attended their Sunday morning service. They are well known in the Francophone world because of their soothing hymns and chants they sing in French. I had never heard of them before, but now I know why they are so popular- it was beautiful; touching; tranquil. They accompany their voices with two instruments- a guitar that looks like a giant banjo (and Vicki says it is probably the ancestor of the banjo), and a giant hollowed-out gourd that's used as a drum. The banjo is also made from a giant gourd; the name of it is, Kora. You might google image it if you're curious.

After the service we went to Lac Rose. When we pulled up, I noticed the pink shimmer almost instantly- it was faint at first, and our views were obstructed by the huge salt mounds (I'll explain this...) but as we got closer I could see that large parts of the lake had a pinkish/purple tint. It was a sight to see. I took videos and pictures, and will hopefully post them soon (when we get legitimate internet here... otherwise it's almost impossible to upload images, and especially videos). There were also a few colorful fishing boats scattered around the coast- I have pictures of those, too. Why's the lake pink? I'm not entirely sure.. but, I know it has something to do with the high concentration of salt (and some other substance). The salt is so great that it-the lake- has been used as a source of trading for centuries. In fact, the lake played a large role in trade between West Africa and North Africa, and also Europe and Asia because it produced so much salt. Well, I don't know if produced is the right word.. I think it's more like there's huge salt deposits in it. I should read up on this- there's a passage in the Senegal travel guide I have, but I've been too lazy to bone up on it. This explains the huge salt pyramids surrounding the lake. In fact, while we were there we noticed a few flat-bed trailers being loaded up with packaged sacks of salt- this was at one end of the lake. At the other end of the lake there was a small village and tourist resort. The small village hosted their own market, which was much more amenable than the one's in downtown Dakar. I was able to actually browse through their products without anyone bothering me. I hadn't intended to shop, however, so I didn't have much money on me. But, one of the vendors noticed that I took a special liking for one of his bou-bou's, and he insisted that I buy it. I explained to him that I needed my money for lunch and the taxi ride home, but he wanted to know how much money I had left if I factored that out. The original price of the bou-bou was 20,000 CFA's (divide by 400 to get $$), but then he brought it down to 15,000. I wasn't even trying to barter with him; I was honestly telling him that I couldn't spend my money! I knew that I had 16,000 CFA's, and that I would need at least 6,000 of that for the rest of the day, leaving behind 10,000, which I figured would be an insult to offer him. But when he asked me how much I would have left over after factoring out lunch and taxi, he said alright! So I got my bou-bou for 10,000, which was probably what a local would have paid after bartering with him (a Toubob, like me, probably would have only got it down to 15,000), so that was pretty nice, especially when I wasn't even trying to barter with him! Seriously, I was just trying to get him to understand that I didn't have enough money, but what I did have, he wanted it, so it was a win-win situation, I think.

After this, we had lunch, and then we took a swim in the lake. This was an experience to remember! Yes, the water, being so full of salt, practically PUSHES you up and out of it when you sit in it!!! You float in it, literally feeling like you have an air-mattress underneath you. It was the strangest feeling. The water itself was kind of slimey, which was at the same time kind of gross and luxurious. When we got out of it, there was a layer of slimey film on our skin, so we had to take a quick shower- this was accomplished by standing near a stream while someone from the resort splashed buckets of fresh water on us. It was kind of fun actually- the guy made gestures to pull out the front and back of our swim trunks so he could empty the bucket down there; so it was a full body shower, no slime left down there or anywhere, which was thankful! Even the shower though didn't remove all the slime, so all during the ride home I kept touching my arms and legs to feel how incredibly soft they were- it was if I had just had the most luxurious spa skin treatment. As soon as I got home though I took a long shower and then put on my new bou-bou. I've been wearing it ever since, and I don't know how I will go back to wearing my other clothes... it's so damn comfortable!

That's it for now- I have nothing more interesting to say. I have to study for our Wolof exam tomorrow. Goodnight!

part deux...

By the way, today was the first day that I wished I could be transported home for even just a few hours... I feel I need a break from this- the heat, the dirt, the crowds, the other students- all of it. I don't need a break yet from the food- still LOVING this.. and of course, I miss everyone. I've received a few voicemails, and that has made a big difference in my day, so please continue to do this!

Downtown market craziness

Hello all,

it is almost 11pm my time, and I am about to take a cold shower to cool off. I am covered in dust/dirt from so much walking today, and I'm a bit sunburned, too. This morning's Wolof lesson was followed by a trip to downtown, where we spent the majority of the day. We walked around for hours looking at sites, including the President's house and office, but must of our time was spent in the grand markets. This experience was too much. Why? Because I'm a Toubob (two-bob). This is the word that Senegalese use for white people/foreigners. It used to have a negative connotation to it (when they used it to refer to the French), but now it can also be used playfully. In any case, being a white tourist says, "Approach me, I have money." So, going through the markets today was this, constantly. And, vendors are determined, so even after saying no, I'm not interested, they will persist until you are firm. It was too much. That combined with the heat and the sheer amount of people (which was plenty), made me entirely ready to leave downtown after almost 5 minutes of this. But, we stuck around and saw the different stalls and products. There were so many interesting things- African masks, traditional and modern clothes (many of the modern clothes are imitation designers, which could be fun if one were in the mood for browsing), food, bags, shoes, fabric, and countless other things. Anything you want, you could find it there. It was like the grand bazaar in Istanbul, but unlike the vendors in Istanbul, the vendors here were way too pushy. In Istanbul, you could browse, window-shop, etc. without any pressure to buy anything. But here, the second you stop, dozens of vendors crowd around you to try to sell you their goods. And all of them are persistent, like I said, so you can see how this becomes exhausting. I think if I weren't such a visual person it wouldn't have bothered me nearly as much, and maybe I could have pushed through it without much problem, but I simply couldn't. That being said though, I don't think any of the other students had a good time either. Some of the vendors were so pushy that they would follow us for several blocks. That was uncomfortable. And, because we were with a Senegalese woman as our guide, they worked hard on her, trying to get her on their side so that she would take us to their stall. But, because she knew this already (she's done this several times as a guide), she was pretty stern with them. Even then, they stuck around until we walked far enough and then they gave up. But then they were just replaced by another aggressive vendor!! haha.. oy vey... too much...

When we were done with downtown, our tour guide asked if we'd like to see her workshop/studio. She has her own non-profit org that helps single women to develop craft-making skills (baskets, clothes, etc) so that they can make a livelihood before getting married. It is good for them to have this, because there's a high likelihood that after they get married, they will have to provide for themselves. This is because men are allowed to take second, third, etc. wives and once they do this, there is no guarantee that he will provide equally for all wives. He may choose to focus on one wife and their children only. If this happens, then the wife who is not supported is screwed if she does not already have a skill/trade. So, this is the purpose of Adama's (our tour guide) organization. It's a good purpose. We agreed to visit her studio, and I found a beautiful boubou (the traditional outfit worn by men here- a very long and flowing shirt that comes down past the thighs and matching pants). It is maroon with some lighter patterns. I can't wait to wear it. I will be the Toubob in the boubou. It could either arouse laughter or appreciation from the locals- or both. We'll see. This won't be the only one, though. I will probably buy some fabric and have one tailored- it's not that expensive to have that done, and our tour guide can hook us up. Yemi will have a dress made- she bought some beautiful fabric today at the market. I'd like to have an all white one, and maybe a baby-blue one. These are popular colors. There's also a lovely shade of green that's common- kind of like a very light emerald. I'm sure there's a name for it. Chartruse? Whatever. It's gorgeous.

Tomorrow we're going to the church and Lac Rose. Looking forward to it! I think that's all for tonight. I'm dead tired and still need that shower. So, for now, asaala malaakum! (peace be with you).

Eating with hands

Hello friends and family!

Today was a beautiful day in Dakar. We had another Wolof lesson this morning- it was difficult. We learned the full set of conjugations for "to be" and their respective pronouns and object whatevers.. learning this stuff in English wasn't easy, and it wasn't easy for French either, at least for me, it takes awhile for this kind of stuff to sink in. The other kids didn't seem to find it so difficult. Being the oldest of the bunch, it reminded me of my community college days when I would get irritated with the older "returning student" who asked too many questions, except that this time I was the older student! Hah! Karma....

After our Wolof session, we had lunch, Senegalese style! The dish is called, Cebu Jen, and I believe it is the national dish. It consists of a huge communal bowl of rice, with a whole cooked fish in the center surrounded by various vegetables (sweet potatoes, potatoes, eggplant, tomatoes, onions, cabbage). It's communal because everyone sits around it (on the floor) and eats with their right hand. There are a few rules to this: You must eat with the right hand only (there are superstitions about using the left hand), you must wait for the host to start, you must not go for the food in the center unless the host encourages it, you wait for the host to distribute bits of the fish and veggies to you, and you must stay within your little piece of the pie so to speak (that is, you don't go grabbin' food from areas not directly in front of you- this is like going into someone else's space). To eat this way, you grab a handful of rice and other goodies (fish and veggies), and you squeeze it together in your hand to make a ball (like making cookies), and then you can eat it. This is the traditional way of eating Cebu Jen, but many families do use utensils. It's fun, though. And, when you're done, it's considered rude if you don't lick every bit of rice off of your hand. So there you go- Senegalese style. And, just to be clear, I DID EAT THE FISH! AND, IT WAS YUMMY!

After lunch, we had a fantastic cultural values session, in which we learned about various cultural norms (do's and don'ts), but also more interesting things like cultural superstitions and concepts related to humility, group harmony and cohesiveness, family, hospitality, etc. I found this very helpful for my research, too. Specifically, one of the phrases we learned was, "Those who are patient will smile" or something very close to this; the idea here being that group harmony overrides individual desires. I think this will be important when thinking about conflict between two people- for example, when someone does harm to another person or does something repeatedly to irritate them, the other person will probably show a higher threshold (compared to Americans) before confronting the harm-doer. But, this isn't even all true, because people here don't confront one another directly when conflict arises. Rather, they might use other family members as mediators, or friends even, who will then go to the other person and express their unhappiness with the situation. This is considered more respectful and dignified to do it this way. That's just a bit of what I'm thinking about right now.. I can share more later when it develops.

After the cultural values session, we walked home, rested, and had dinner again by our fabulous cook, Seda (I thought it was Sera, but it's Seda). She made some kind of beef roast with peas and potatoes. It was delicious. When we asked her about her beautiful dress, she told us that she has a friend who made it for her, and that she could have her make us clothes, too. And of course, this would be for a reasonable price, compared to tailor-made clothes in the US. Tomorrow, we will take a look at fabrics when we go to downtown Dakar. There are several markets there where they sell all kinds of things, including fabric. I can't wait! Finally, some shopping!!!!!

Sunday we've made plans to drive up to Lac Rose (the Rose Lake). It's name reflects the fact that it has a pink shimmer to it (apparently because of the high concentration of certain minerals). It's about an hours drive out of Dakar. We will also go to a very famous church service where the choir sings in French and Wolof. They sell cd's of their music- I'll pick one up. It's supposed to be delightful.

That's all I have for today. I have been trying to upload photos and videos to my blog, but I'm having some difficulties, so bare with me. Wish you well, and keep the comments/questions coming!

love,
Ryan

Thursday, May 22

ahhh... nothing like a good shower to feel all better! haha.. I think blogging about showering will be a prominent theme in my writing.. it's THAT important here. By the end of the day, I have a sticky layer of dirt, sweat, and mosquito repellent, and when it is washed off, I feel like a fresh baby. But then I slap on some more mosquito lotion and the process starts all over again! hah! so much for that... but it's nice while it lasts. I shower at night so that I can wake up, eat breakfast, and go. And, it's gross to go to bed all sticky and stuff.

Today, we woke up at 8:30, had breakfast (again, baguettes and nutella, jam, etc.), and then we walked to the Baobob Center to begin our next set of neighborhood tours, except that today, we walked over to the neighborhood in which our permanent apartments are (it's called, Sacre Coeur, or 'sacred heart'). The Sacre Coeur neighborhood is much nicer than the neighborhood we were in for our first night. It's much more residential. And, the apartment is also better. Two of the boys in our group went to their family stays today, and the rest of us (me, Yemi, Armin, and Vicki) are sharing this new apartment. It's on the 4th floor, which is also the top floor, and it has a beautiful open balcony from which we can see the skyline of downtown Dakar. It's really beautiful. I wish you could all be here to enjoy this with me. When there's a breeze, and there are many up there, it's exquisite; a respite from the exhausting heat. I'll return to this later, after I describe the remainder of the day.

After our neighborhood tours--which, by the way, are really helping to gain a sense of direction here and familiarity in general--we returned to the Baobob center for our first Wolof language session. This was FUN! We will have 50 hours of training total over the next three weeks. They say that by the end of this time, we will speak better Wolof than many Senegalese! We'll see about that. It's an easier language to learn, supposedly. But, because it is so different, it's going to require a lot of rote memorization, and I gave that up years ago. So, I'm going to have to really work at this if I'm to learn it. Part of this is also learning a bit of Arabic, because this is mixed in to some of the greetings. For example, Asaala Malekum (peace be with you), is simply beautiful, I think. The greetings take 5 minutes in themselves.. they are very elaborate. First you wish them peace, then you ask how they are, then you ask how their family is, and then you thank god! And apparently that is just the beginning- there's much more that we haven't yet learned. I like the idea of this, but it would never swing in America, where 'time is money.' Too bad, though. It obviously facilitates a sense of community, and I think we yearn for that whether we're aware of it or not. Anyway, so after our Wolof lessons, we came back to the temporary apartment and had lunch. It was the Senegalese national dish ''cebu jen", which consists of fish, cous-cous, and various vegetables cooked with the fish. I wanted to try it, but it looked and smelled gross, so I didn't. But later, for dinner we had another kind of fish and it was prepared differently, so it neither looked or smelled gross- I ate that!!!!! and I enjoyed it!!!! Mom, aren't you proud? I ate every little last piece!

To answer some questions asked by my sister, Rachel: After lunch, we went back to the Baobob center and had a cultural values session. it was helpful. we'll have more of this tomorrow, along with more language lessons. In general though, not knowing Wolof hasn't hindered us. Most people do speak French, and I feel very comfortable with that right now. Rachel also asked about our cook, whose name is Sera. She was great- dinner was delicious tonight (a certain fish called "capitain"- it's unique to this region) and the dessert was so tasty.. fresh cut fruit salad (mango, apple, orange, papaya, melon... mmmmmm all sooooo fresh and yummy). Sera will cook for us at a small fee- for dinner, tonight, it was 3,200 CFA's (or, $8), but this included an appetizer, the main course (the fish was expensive because it's no longer as accessible- the Koreans and Chinese have been overfishing the Senegalese fishing spots for a few years, and because of this there is a shortage of fish), and dessert. Plus, she brought all the utensils, cleaned it all up when we were finished, and took her things home with her. I couldn't believe it. We also have a cleaning-woman, Nafi, who will come every two days to dust, etc. She will do our laundry once/week.

I think that is it for now. I'm getting sleepy. I wish I could write more about what I'm feeling right now, but all I feel capable of is descriptive recounting. I think things are just too new to report on. Suffice it to say, hopefully, that I'm very happy. And, things are going smoothly.

Please continue to send me your questions! My sister started this, and I liked getting them. It was a way for me to make a more direct connection with someone, and this is very good for me right now.

Love,
Ryan

delayed entry- May 21st

Dear friends and family,

below is an entry that I made last night, but Dakar's electricity went out just before I was able to post it. I'll also enter one tonight, alhamdulilaay (Arabic for "god willing"):

What an interesting day.. we arrived at 5am; got to our apartment at 6; had breakfast (baguettes with nutella! my favorite!); slept until 1pm; had lunch (a woman cooks delicious Senegalese meals for us, in our apartment!), then walked over to the Baobob Center (this is the research center we're using), had an orientation session, and then took a tour of the neighborhood. It is different here- I can't add any adjectives.. it would just seem trite.. so, it's just different. Cars zooming by everywhere (mostly little yellow taxi's and VW Buses filled with 20 people; i.e., public transport), the occasional donkey with carriage, several little fruit stands and other goodies (e.g., religious iconography, electronics, shoes), and at every new block we reach a little boy approaches us for money (the story behind these boys: well, basically, according to tradition, many young boys are handed over to the care of spiritual teachers who then have the boys beg for money all day, and when they return, they receive their education; this is TRADITION, but Vicki- our professor- says that it's becoming more and more controversial because it's a tradition that may be getting taken advantage of by some men; there are traditional public schools, but unlike the U.S., it's not free, and of course, not everyone can afford it).

I'm disappointed only because I found out that our apartment does not have wireless access. So, I will be depending on cyber cafes mostly, but I may also be able to access wireless at the Baobob Center. And if I can, I will probably be able to use Skype there. But we'll see. Right now I just don't know.

I forgot just one thing: a towel! Not a problem, though. I just threw on some mosquito lotion after the shower and then my clothes.. now, 10 minutes later, I'm dry! I thought it would be obnoxious, but with these things I guess you just have to roll with it. And it's not such a big deal, but it does make me realize how many little "pleasures" I take for granted. Can I just say though how FANTASTIC it feels to be clean right now! I hadn't showered for two days (because of the early am flight, and then all day today) or brushed my teeth, and all the walking today in the humid heat didn't help matters.

By the way, the weather was in the low 80's today, but 95% humid (the locals said, "oh, you think this is humid?") -- it WILL get warmer.

Before the shower, I went to the cyber cafe that's just below our apartment. I sent a few emails, and tried to update this blog, but the power crashed! So, now I am back (the power came back on a little later), and I'm finishing what I started. Apparently that happens quite frequently-the power going out at night. But/and, people roll with it.

Other little bits--- after the first cyber cafe attempt, we (me, Scott, and Michael), came back to our apartment and there was a man squating with a pan full of cooked rice and meat. He wanted us to try his food, and we mimicked that we were full (none of us could think of the French word for this), but he insisted, and so we squatted with him and tried it.

It's 10pm now, and I'm exhausted. I would like to write more, but my brain is like Amy Winehouse, "Nooo, nooo, no." So for now, take this as evidence that I am alive and well. It's probably better this way, as I haven't really digested all of experiences from today.

Thanks for thinking of me today! Please continue to send me your good thoughts, and know that I am receiving them. Goodnight!

Ran out of time.. sorry!

I have completely ran out of time to write a more detailed entry today. I have been finalizing preparations until just now (3:30am) and I need to leave my apt at 4:10am. Needless to say, I am TIRED! But/and, this will help me to sleep on the flight. 

I hear the birds chirping already outside... 

I'll write more when I get to Dakar.

peace.

24 hours until my last posting in the US

In 24 hours, I will be posting my last blog from the comforts of my bedroom- at least until mid-July. In 24 hours, I will have 3 hours before I'm at the airport. In 24 hours, I will be... what? I don't know, yet. I could be anxious, I could be excited, I could be tired, I could be... have I already exhausted the possibilities? Oh wait, no, there's FEAR! lol... Forgot about that one.. maybe that's a good sign. I met with my sponsor today and when she asked me if the fear was gone, I said that it was, at least for this end of the journey. I said that I feel like I'm waiting in the air terminal- any fear I may have is at the other end of the flight. But even then, I don't feel truthful saying that there IS fear. I'm ready. 

I'm so god-damn cheesy- I just now put on Celine Dion so I could hear, "What do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge, never knowing if there's solid ground below, a hand to hold, or hell to pay; what do you say?" I'm feeling it, SISTER, I'm FEELING it! What do you say to grabbing life by the balls and squeezing the hell out of them? Sure, why not.

Today I paid my first month's rent and orientation and some food costs for Senegal. I also decided to take another bag so that I can fill it with goodies for the trip home. Gosh, that's really pretty much all that I did today! lol.. I had dinner with a friend, watched a movie, went to a meeting, and now I'm here, blogging. Oh yes, dinner! We ate at this Somali restaurant around the corner- it was soooooo good! And our waiter was just the sweetest boy. So sweet. It was interesting because originally we were going to walk to this Chinese place that's further down the street, but as we were passing this Somali restaurant, something in my mind clicked over and said, no, you're gonna eat here tonight. Almost as soon as we sat down, a huge group of Somali teens came in to dine. They were so beautifully proud and self-confident. All well dressed. And they displayed a connection to each other that mirrors the connection I have with my friends; it's like they were their own little army, just like we are our own little gay mafia that invades the Suburban Stepford wives' favorite restaurant every Friday night. There was cohesiveness; a magnetic force-field. Anyway, I appreciated it. And, I caught a glimpse of what it will feel like to be the only white guy. It didn't feel much different from being the only gay guy at times. In fact, it may have felt the same. But, like I said, that was just a glimpse- the real thing will probably be different. But maybe not so different. We shall see.

Ok, so that was today. I don't think I have anything else. I do want to capture my emotional state, though for future reflection. So, I'll do that. I think I touched on it earlier when I referenced the air-terminal feeling. This is not new, though. I've been feeling this way the past few days. It's kind of like feeling gray, but not in a melancholic way. Nope, gray as in "middle-space" or gray matter; just kind of neutral. I almost said numb, but I think that's also too clinical sounding. Maybe this is what it feels like to be present? Or absent? Wow, I always thought the two would feel different, but now I'm not so sure. Intellectually, being present and absent are obviously different; it's not difficult to imagine how they would feel different. But what is this feeling? I can't decide. My gut feeling is to say it's being present. My evidence of this is the very act of writing this blog. If I were absent, I wouldn't even be asking these questions. Ok, so there you have it. Whew, feelings are so complicated sometimes! Geesh.. 

Off to bed now... a demain!

Bon voyage par-tay!

I just got in from a night out on the town with the boys. Actually, that was 30 minutes ago; I really just got done eating a bowl of Lehua Honey icecream (a Hawaiian honey- like butt-ah baby, butt-ah). And now, it's 1:30 am and I have 2 more hours before I go to bed.. If you recall, I am staying up until 4 ish every night now until I leave so that at 4am, Tuesday, I'll just put my bags in the car and go to the airport- no waking up and stumbling.. I hate that. There's nothing worse than waking up early. So this beats that problem, and I'll be able to sleep on the plane (normally I can't). Anyway, blah blah blah. 

Back to my story about tonight- I had dinner with about 12 of my friends at Pizza Luce. They are amazing. I'm so blessed, really. I'm sad about not seeing them for 2 months. And I'm worried that this will be difficult because I've never done this before. I mean, when I went to Europe two years ago for 2 months, I was in a very different place then. For one, I hadn't formed as close of friendships with any of these people at that time. I was pretty well isolated- I did have friends, but not like now. I have more of them, and I'm used to seeing them several times a week. It's part of my routine. And I like my routine. I like being connected to them. So this will be hard I think. For another reason, two years ago at this time I simply wasn't in the same mental/emotional space I'm in now. I'm in a very good space right now, but then, all I wanted to do was run off to Europe and live some romanticized dream I had created for myself. But now, I feel like I have everything I need here. My mindset has changed as a result of working a program- before I wasn't really working a solid program, and I was suffering because of it. I didn't even WANT a program before (note, I'm referring to the 12 step program, but really you can also think of program=spirituality)- in fact, I had become so distant from it that I even began to believe I didn't need one. But I do need one, and I found this out about a year ago when life came crashing down around me. I guess to be precise about this though, I would have to say that my PERCEPTION of life came crashing down around me- life hadn't really changed. Basically, I was a dry drunk- like our president, Mr. Bush, and we know how un-pretty that is! I was pretty angsty to say the least. All of this is to describe how I'm feeling NOW about this experience, and how my state of being NOW is affecting how I perceive my upcoming trip to Senegal. In short, a very big part of me doesn't want to leave what I've gained in the last year- friendships, love, acceptance. But perhaps I'm being melodramatic about all this. It's not like I won't have internet or any other way of connecting with people. I did, afterall, just purchase unlimited Skype minutes! And, it's 2 months, not a lifetime. A-ha, I just had a realization about this- it's not the time or the fact of "leaving", but rather, being scared that I won't have them there with me when I encounter challenges to my serenity. A-ha! That is it. That is it exactly. But this is still relevant to everything that I've just said, and in fact, I think it makes a full circle here because what I've gained in the last year is the ability to depend on others in a way that I hadn't before. I've begun to practice the act of asking for help when it is needed and asking for things that I need. I've let down more of my barriers and become more vulnerable, and this in turn has strengthened my faith in, and love for, others. For some reason I've always thought that I needed to do for myself what others cannot do for themselves; that I needed to "figure myself out" and be my own "rock". For me though, what I've experienced lately is that I can be both things, or that rather, these two concepts are not separate- that in fact, for me, being my own "rock" means being able TRUST that others can do for me what I cannot do for myself. This is what works for me. Going to Senegal will be an opportunity to put that trust into motion so to speak and figure out how to maintain that without the routine that I'm so used to. So, if you're reading this, THANK YOU for this gift. It really is a gift- just like those VISA commercials, it's priceless. HAH! ok, I had to throw in sommmme humor. It was getting way too sentimental! 

Ok, I think I've rambled enough... I'll go ahead and finish the rest of that icecream and then? Bed? It's almost 3am... I guess it's close enough.

A bientot mes amis! Je t'adore!

Baby I'm ready to go

There's my tribute to Republica- the fantastic one or two hit wonder of the 90's. Remember? Well, I do. Good song. Anyway, the big date is just around the corner- 3 days to be exact. My friend Christopher will take me to the airport on Tuesday morning at 4am. Plane leaves at 7; 5 hour layover in NY, and then off to Dakar! We arrive in Dakar at 5am; program orientation starts at 1pm! HAH! I don't know how lively I'll be for that! Hopefully I'll get some sleep on the plane, though. I have a great plan- I've been staying up until 4am for the past several nights, so that when Monday night rolls around, it will be easy to do this, and that way I'll be exhausted for the plane ride, and I'll sleep like a baby. I also bought a really fun looking bug-eyed black eye mask to help with this. I'm not messing around! 

Our first day of orientation will consist of basic Senegalese values and traditions, with a traditional fish lunch (I told them I'm allergic to fish, rather than having to decline any meals with fish and look like a prissy American- even though I am, apparently! I'm sorry, but I just don't like fish.. it smells. And it tastes like it smells. I'll definitely try it when I'm there, but only because it will be incredibly fresh, and I hear that fresh fish doesn't stank. After our first day, we'll have a few weeks of language instruction on Wolof. Most people there do speak French, but knowing some Wolof will make life easier. I'm excited about this. After this, I believe we're on our own, and we can really dive into our research. 

I'll be staying in the Sacre Coeur district, a very nice neighborhood in Dakar, as we've been told. Four of us will stay in a 3 bedroom apartment, located on the fourth floor (READ: safe). I'll share a room with another guy, Armin (a Junior at the U of M studying biology), and then Yemi (also a Junior, majoring in Global Studies) will have her own room, and our professor, Vicki, will have the master bed. The two other students not mentioned (Michael and Scott; biology undergrad and Global Studies undergrad, respectively) will be staying with families. I'm really happy that our professor will be living with us. She has spent her career studying West Africa, and particularly Senegal. She is also incredibly supportive, underneath her brusque surface. I'll post pictures of all these people as soon as they're available so that you can have a good visualization to go along with my stories. 

I think I'm as prepared as I'll ever be for this. I've practiced my interview protocol with a Senegalese woman (Kany) living in Minneapolis. She helped me immensely. And, of course, I also have to acknowledge my French tutor, Jamal, for helping me to translate the English version into French. This process resulted in several changes to the interview questions so that they became more focused. Originally, the French equivalents didn't evoke the same meaning behind the original question set in English. So, because of this, I now have an interview protocol that is more culturally valid than it was before, and that is important for this type of research.

In terms of packing preparation, I'm also completely ready. I've sprayed all of my clothes and the mosquito net with Permethrin (a POWERFUL) anti-bug/mosquito solution that lasts for up to 5 washings! I've also packed away all of the travel-ish items, such as the extra medicine (for colds, indigestion, etc.) and the water purifier. All I need to do is exchange the bunk portable alarm clock I purchased from Target (sorry, Target, but you disappointed me with this product). Also, as a way to show my gratitude for her generosity of time and spirit, I am taking some gifts to Kany's family that she purchased. In addition to helping me with my interview protocol, Kany had me over for dinner about a month ago to give me a taste of traditional Senegalese cuisine and company. It was really the sweetest thing- I didn't even know this woman, except that we shared a mutual acquaintance (my French tutor), but she opened her house and her social network to me. And now, when I arrive in Dakar, I will meet her family and deliver to them the gifts that Kany purchased, and more than likely be invited to spend dinner with them as well. The icing on this cake is that her sister, Naki, works for THE most famous Senegalese musician, Youssou Ndour (www.youssou.com), and she will probably introduce me or get me tickets to see him perform. TOO COOL! Anyway, check out his website- maybe you'll like the "mbalax" (umm-ba-lak) style of music!

I don't have much more to report right now, other than we will be arriving at the peak season for mangos, and apparently this is a very good thing! And, I love mangos, so there you have it. more later, friends.

And now... (drum roll please..)

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